Can you love the part of you that you're not proud of?

Honestly, not at first. Most of us are so busy fixing ourselves that even the thought "I might be that" feels like proof we're broken. So we wipe it off, like bad makeup.

An old friend said to me after a short conversation: "You haven't changed a bit, Laura."

I felt my blood heat up. I was angry, really angry. I had worked so hard to become the better version: calm, kind, composed. And she didn't see it. All I heard was: you're still the same. And I did not want to be the same.

That anger wasn't about her. She touched the part I had been trying to wipe off.

Now I understand — whatever you wipe off doesn't leave. It runs in the background, costs you energy, and the people around you pay for it.

So we keep moving. Scrolling. Another episode. Cleaning the kitchen at 11pm. Overworking. Snacking when we're not hungry. Signing up for one more course to finally become the better version.

Stillness feels dangerous, because in the quiet, that unwanted part is right there.

We see ourselves in black and white: kind or harsh, confident or insecure. One side is "the real me," the other must be fixed. But we were never one color. I'm loving with my clients and defensive with someone from my past. Capable of greatness and of mischief.

You can't be whole minus the parts you don't like.

So love isn't the first step. Love comes later, if it comes… First, stop fighting it. Say one honest sentence: "this is here right now." Not "I am this." Then ask what it's protecting. A harsh reaction is often guarding something softer.

Accepting yourself fully doesn't mean you stop growing. It means you stop fighting yourself.

Part of me carries old memories.

Part of me has learned reactions to certain people and situations.

Part of me has learned to watch it all play out and smile at myself with kindness.

Part of me never tires of improving.

Part of me still hides from certain challenges.

All of it is me.

I'm not sure I'm doing anything in this life other than learning. Learning to be fully at peace with myself, and with what is.

What are you wiping off right now?